Mask Off

Shower, dress, check your face 

Do your make up, check your face

Don’t look too long in those deep brown eyes, 

just check -just glance 

do you look “okay?”

Do you look stable?

Do you look saved? 

Do tears still mean sin?

Does this stoic countenance that you cannot shake mean defeat? 

No, warrior woman this is the face of battle.

Victory rarely brings out the smile. 

That charismatic, magnetic, energy they want.. traded for bruised knees and puffy eyes. 

I’m not sad. I’m not happy. These temporal emotions are not mine for the taking. 

I’m chosen. I’m focused. I’m tired. I’m fighting. 

I’m making time for prayer and fasting and  faithing. 

I’ve not the commodity of faking. 

So, I can’t always hide my battle scars some days blood will seep through my pretty painted face.

Residue of Ashes on my chin.. the stench of yesterdays win may linger on today.

And I’ll show up and I’ll raise holy hands and tears they may fall, as they should, for Grace and Mercy has a way of making me feel some type a way. 

There are times when everything is fine,but nothing’s okay. 

Like yeah my house is on fire but “ I KNOW” God will make a way. 

I won’t deny my humanity but I must survive it each day. 

I thought, ministers gotta look the part. Shine your light and smile big and bright,but what if that throws a newbie off? That thinks salvation is all smiles and dancing, that salvation means never falling down, but only advancing. That if you can’t feel him, that means he’s gone and if you’re not shouting on Sunday morning then somethings wrong. 

There are days on this journey when nothing feels right.. you’ll try and pray in the morning. Nothing.Then you’ll try again at Night. 

There are days on this journey when life is pure bliss, if Gods doing anything at all you’ll be top on HIS list. 

But through it all, you don’t have pretend, you don’t have to fear what you feel, don’t hold it all in. 

Just trust, Just know, that our God understands . He gave you emotions. They are apart of his plan. 

Leave it at home, leave it in your car. I’m saying MASK OFF. He wants who YOU Are. 

Author: Eryca Renai

Eryca Renai currently resides in Ohio where she is a full time mother, motivational blogger, podcaster, radio show host (TLC4URADIO.COM) and aspiring author. Her unique spiritual journey matched with her transparent voice, and heart for the dismissed, overlooked and forgotten is what sets these works apart. So please take your time, get your tea and take in what “I wanted to tell you...”

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